Thursday, June 29, 2006

When is enough, enough?

So six months or so on... I think you can tell from the clever word play and subtext in my title that things really havn't picked up.

So where to start? well, I guess not much has really changed except the fact its now cold! so I don't even have the upside of good wheather. I feel I should put this into perspective. In the day its still around the 20 degree mark which is beautiful, like an english springtime day. Its the morning and the night time that are the real killers. Again, its still probably 3-5 degrees but the fact im in a wooden house, designed to keep cool in the summer with no central heating. I cant even take comfort at 'home' as its so cold.

Today I woke up feeling quite ill, and I had to wrestle with the idea of having the day off instead of going to work. I think this speaks volumes, the very fact I would rather go to work than stay at home and have a day of leisure would have been alien to me at home in England. Im simply not at ease in my 'own' house. Im sat here typing this feeling cold and uncomfortable, rather than having a Ferris Bueller style adventure full of high jinx and tom foolery. The simple matter is I have nowhere to go, no-one to see and little else to do.

We are still friend-less (ssiiiggghh..), which we have come to terms with as we feel that there is a reason for this. We are in such an 'inbetween' age. By this mean that we are not young enough to be invited to go clubbing all weekend with the 20 year olds, but we also dont have children so we dont mix through our children with other parents, so we are in a type of social limbo. This I believe spills into work. Work is odd in the same way as Im not junior enough to take everything im told to do as gospel and follow without question, but not senior enough to be able to make a real mark. My situation is also aggrevated by the fact that my 'lead artist' is the same age, same experience as me ( I was a lead artist in England). This makes for a rather prickly working relationship at times as we are too similar and I believe he feels this too. I thought it was just me but my wife is having similar experiences. This makes me think did we try this experience too late in our lives? or too early?

So I'm not comfortable at home, and its safe to say I'm not having a ball at work, so whats left? Weekends. We try and make an effort get out and about at the weekend more because we dont want to be in I think, but we have resorted to playing tennis for an hour on a Sunday, and I must say its excellent fun. It's also good that its something that my wife and I can do together, rather than my drawing which is a fairly solitary affair. We ventured into Fortitude Valley last weekend, we had a lovely meal in China town, we domilished a bottle of Merlot, so in good spirits we found an 'Irish' pub. Excellent, they had good European beer, there was a live covers band and there was a vibe (which is very rare) we were actually having a genuinly good time, then out Australian luck presented itself, a freak fire broke out downstairs and we had to vacate the bar...alas

My wife and I are now seriously exploring the possibility of coming home. This though, will not be a quick process due to the 2 month notice to get our nice brick, warm home back and the procedure of getting Lottie home. With this in mind it would be about September when we returned home, roughly 2 months early so Its not as severe as all that if we intended to be back before Christmas in the first place. I must say though there is a certain apprenhension to doing this. I'm not sure why, maybe I'm scared home wont be as good as I remember or whether part of me wants something to miraculously turn this around, either way I think its these feelings that have prevented me from being home already.

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